Jerry Garcia in Solid Gold

Today I listened to an old Dave Matthews Band show from August 9, 1995. This was the day that Jerry Garcia died, I had just taken the Bar Exam, and, three years later, it would be my wedding day.

This is what music is all about for me. I remember that exact day so clearly — driving in my old car, a.k.a. “Solid Gold”, when I heard that Jerry had died.  I was bummed that I had never gotten around to seeing the Dead in concert. I was never really into their music, but I have always loved the pot-smoking Dead Heads.   It was on my list of things to do, but darn law school got in the way.

The other thing that occurred to me was that, in 1995, I was barely a DMB fan yet.  Otherwise, I probably would have been at that show, which was in Eugene….and was a great show. My DMB memories of that 1995 summer, though, consist of a Madison Park apartment and the guy who would, exactly three years later, become my husband.

On that August day in 1995, I had no idea where I was heading, or how big a part of my life DMB’s music would become. What if I had been at that Eugene show? Or what if I had gone to a Dead show before Jerry died? Would things have turned out differently somehow? (or, to borrow a line from Dave…..”could I have been anyone other than me?”)

And yet, of course, the beauty was in not knowing what would unfold. The years since then have been filled with love, great music, and more happiness than I could have asked for.  Many years and countless concerts, and two kids later — I listen to Dave from long ago, and marvel at it all.

Deondre the Life Coach

The song that has been rocking in my head for the past few days is accompanied by a dancing guy in a red track suit, a Kenny G lookalike, and a wrestler with a snake on his shoulders. The SNL skit of the fake TV show “What Up With That?” is hilarious on its own, but doubly hilarious when talked about and improvised all weekend with friends.

We got back from Las Vegas late last night. I should be exhausted, but instead I feel like I have the freshest perspective that I have had in a long while. Was it the cocktails? The gambling? The In-n-Out burger? I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter.

I did a triathlon last summer. I had a mantra that I repeated in my head, throughout: “a clear head, and presence of purpose”. In the water with each stroke, trying not to panic: a clear head, and presence of purpose. As I pedaled my bike, making it closer to the finish, free of any mechanical issues: a clear head, and presence of purpose. It was not until the final mile of the run, when I knew that I was going to finish, that the mantra left my head. At that point, all I could do was grin.

For some reason, that popped into my head today – as a similar refrain, but with a “what up with that” edge. OK, so I need to figure out what I want to do. (What up with that?) And it hasn’t come to me yet on its own. (What up with that?) Or perhaps it has, and I am too scared to make any steps. (What UP with that?)

I love music, but I also love the written word. I think that’s probably why I liked being a lawyer, because lawyering is all about words. Lawyers love to argue over seemingly obvious things such as the meaning of the word “reasonable” (hence volumes of case law on the “reasonable person” standard..…and, even better, in the realm of sexual harassment, the “reasonable woman” standard).

When Bill Clinton (a former lawyer) dumbfounded the nation with his infamous “it depends on what the meaning of ‘is’ is” statement, I totally got it. Only lawyers love that kind of statement. Only lawyers hear that statement and say “you know, that’s a good point”.

And that’s the part of being a lawyer that I do miss: the words; the reasoning; getting from point “A” to point “B” via a well-structured argument.

The art of writing has been calling to me for a long time, and I’ve either ignored it, or dismissed it, believing that I had to choose either the law or writing, because my love for both was incompatible. But I now realize that they are, really, one in the same, and that is where I should be.

I am confident that it is possible distill it all down into the perfect career that nestles right into my life. I don’t know yet what that will look like, but I feel like I am on the right path. (What up with THAT?!)

I’m finally starting to feel like I’m out of the water. I’ve racked my bike. Now I just have to put on my running shoes, and get to the grin.

Who Ya Gonna Call?

I recently had a dream where, throughout, I was wearing an aqua blue tube top. What was unique about this tube top (aside from being a tube top) was that, in the center of it, there was a huge Ghostbusters logo.

The rest of the dream is fuzzy….but near the end, I looked down and noticed that, to my dismay, the logo was peeling off (must have been a 70’s iron-on), and that the top was starting to tear in the middle. This upset me greatly.

Dreams are inherently odd and usually defy meaning, but……REALLY? A Ghostbusters tube top? What could this possibly mean? That I am watching too many ghost shows? That I have a hankering for Charlie’s Angels fashion? Or perhaps, deep down, it saddens me that Ray Parker Jr. was never recognized for the musical genius he truly is.

Eddie and Me on the Farm

I have not written anything in awhile — here or anywhere else. Truth is, the holidays suck every last bit of energy out me, both physical and otherwise. At times I love the whirlwind, but I am usually glad to see the holidays end, and get back into a routine.

Occupying my time these days, predictably, is Pearl Jam. I love the new album. Actually, “love” might not be a strong enough word….I am completely obsessed. I bought it when it was released last summer, and liked it, but more recently it seems to have taken on new energy. Regardless of the true motivation behind the songs, they have felt like the theme songs to my life for the past few months. If I were a musician, that’s what I would want my music to do….so kudos to PJ for that.

My latest favorite is “Unthought Known”. I really wish I had written these lyrics:

Feel the sky blanket you with gems and rhinestones…
See the path cut by the moon, for you to walk on.

I don’t know for certain, but I am pretty sure that Eddie might need to move to Walla Walla too.